Original Post Date: Aug 20, 2010
So, what happened? You’ve never had a computer in your life and your nearest out of body experience to having a computer was the movie Matrix. And Apple sold you a laptop. How did that happen? You paid more than a thousand dollars for something you barely use. And when you do, your greatest achievement seems to be a venture to FaceBook-land; maybe some farming; some tweet-chat; youtube maybe… nice. So what happened? You went to SlutBucks a few times, took it to CentralMeadows a few times, you figured out that you could watch porn in the bathroom – a laptop is a good thing indeed. You were told it would ben a life-changing event. It would be so awesome. It never crashes – whatever that means. It just works. Emails, chat, facebook, porn, and farming. Yeah. It does work.
Then Apple sold you an iPod. Maybe you bought the iPod before the laptop. Hey, nobody told me that I needed a god-damn laptop to make this thing play music for me! $199 iPod, $1,000 laptop. Fantastic. Those were the days indeed. iPod was IT. It would be a life changing thing. Come-on. You’ve seen all those silhouette ads. Dancing, playing, jumping. Happy. Music. Bono was endorsing it, duuudeee!
Then Apple sold you iPhone. Now, you did not see that coming, did you? Jobs said, it would be a life changing event. Who is Jobs? Jobbs? Never mind. By now, you should’ve seen the pattern. But, hey, everybody was buying it. This was it. This was amazing. This was a phone, like a laptop and a music player. All previous three things in one thing. Things you already had, you should have again. Buy again. Better, nicer, cooler, everybody else did. So did you. “AT&T sucks” you said, though the last time you used your phone to actually make a phone call is a disant memory. Your porn did not load. That sucked. No Flash, no youporn.com. Jobs said “flash bad” you nod your head. Apps. Thousands of Apps. A dollar each. You bought 20 in 10 minutes. They were amazing. There was an app for buying apps, another app for another app. Mapp. Games. Lots and lots of games. You lost yourself in games. You tilted your head, tapped your finger, nod with the rest of the world. This was so awesome.
You turned into a zombie. One of them. Some small thing, in your palms. You can’t take your eyes off of it. You never even had a game-watch (game-boy) when you were a kid. Not even an Atari. You didn’t even like playing computer games a few months back. But now, you have no idea where you are going, you can’t see. You are busy. Playing, tapping, scrolling, nodding. You have no idea what’s happening. You have your ears plugged, your eyes fixated, your fingers numbed. Playing games. Playing games. All sorts of games. Your life did change indeed. You have become addicted to technology, not in a very productive way, but in a way, anyway.
Then came iPad. Wow. You wanted it, before it even descended from heavens. Everybody wanted it. It would change everything, mainly your life. You could read books with it. What an amazing leap in technology that would be. Watch movies too. In a slightly bigger screen than your iPhone. Oh come-on said you. It’s much larger. Significantly smaller than your 36″ TV, but hey, you needed movies on the go, on the road, in the subway, on the sidewalk, in the bathroom. No flash though. That meant no porn, practically. Wasn’t there an app for that? Yes, of course.
You bought an iPad. You played and played. Your life did change. You became one of them, or did you? You were already one of them. Now you became even more. You didn’t care. You loved playing solitaire on your iPad. Hey, didn’t you read somewhere that they made a pair of jeans with back pockets big enough so that you could wear your iPad on your ass? iPass? Come-on. What, nobody else bought it? I’m sure some did. Maybe there is an app for your unending, unsettling appettite? Or maybe Jobb’s appettite – for destruction? No, that was an awesome album. Yes, by GNR. Search it, buy it, download it from iTunes. You have a laptop and an mp3 player separately, and together in one device, and together on another device. You can download it on one and share it all with the rest.
Are you another one? Or are you just like the other one?
I am riding the subway. Half the people in the car has an electronic device of some sort. They are extremely busy. I pass by all of them. All of them are playing some game. One has an iPad, she’s playing solitaire. An e-book reader. One more. Most of them have iPhones. I wonder if they have laptops to go with that. But I already know the answer.
I also know that, they will buy whatever Apple produces next. They don’t yet. But they will.
Good job Apple. Good job indeed. You became the big brother. Controlling everything.
I apple-aud you.